Drunk legs

Man offers a drink to a woman at a party.
Woman: No thanks, whisky is bad for my legs.
Man:legs? Thats strange, do they pain or swell?
Woman: No, they spread

Deal the dead wife

A Man Lost his Wife In Tsunami
One Drunk-Night ..
while standing on the Seashore, waves touching
on his feets .
He shouted to the Sea: 'No matter how many times your Waves Touch my Feet
.
.
.
I'll Never take her back .. !!
Its your mistake..
Deal With It Now...

New Alcohol Warning

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy!

Post Drink Effect

After drinking men talk unnecessarily...
Become emotional...
Drive badly
Stop thinking
Fight 4 nothing


Conclusion:
"Alcohol contains female hormones!"

Overload by life

If ever u feel overloaded by life, wife or work ....
Immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center & place order for any 1 or more of the following Antidotes:

1. Wife Irritation Neutralizing Extract (WINE)
2. Refreshing Unique Medicine (RUM)
3. Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
4. Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA)
5. Wife High Infusing Suspicion Killing Energy Yeast (WHISKEY)

This is issued in public interest by Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association (BEWDA)

Drinkers are practical people.

A Lady was conducting her anti drinking campaign outside a bar. A man came out of the Bar exuding alcohol fumes and the Lady said 
"Tell me!!! If you arrive at the Gates of Heaven with your breath smelling of liquor... Do you think the Lord will let you in ???"

"My good woman" passionately holding her hand, said the man,
"When I go to Heaven I expect to leave my breath behind."

Moral.....

Drinkers are practical people.

Drunk Husband

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. 

"Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me." Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. 

He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?" 

"Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there." 

The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. You're right, you know." 

Chemistry teacher and kid

Joes chemistry teacher wanted to teach his ninth grade class a lesson on the evils of liquor so he produced a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. 

"Observe" he told his class as he began to put one of the worms in the glass of water. This worm swam about freely and looked as happy as can be. 

He then put the second worm in the glass of whiskey and it to swam about for a moment but then started to shake and fell to the bottom dead. 

"Now" he asked "What lesson can we learn from this experiment?" 

"Thats easy," replied Joe. "Drink whiskey and you wont get worms."

Pocket Drinker and Wife

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. 

The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife...

When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

Drunk test and Cop

A guy is swerving down the road and gets pulled over. The cop says, 

"You have to take a Breathalyzer test." The guy says, "I can't. I have asthma, and it'll start me on a coughing fit."

The cop says, "Then I have to give you a blood test." The guy says, "You can't. I'm a hemophiliac, and if you prick me, I'll bleed all over the place."

The cops says, "Then you have to get out of the car and walk a straight line."

The guy says, "I can't."

The cop says, "Why not?"

The guy says, "Because I'm drunk you idiot... didn't you see the way I was driving!"