Gas V/s Hearing problem

 An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. "I don't understand it, Doc", she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas". "Thankfully", she added, "they are at least silent when I fart". Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled. The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".

'PNEIS'

 When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

'PNEIS'

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.

सलाद

इंडियन:-*आप ख़ाने में क्या लेतें हो ?* 
फॉरेनर:- *सलाड..* ,,😋
इंडियन:- ये तो हम *ख़ाने के इन्तेज़ार में* हीं निपटा देतें है !! 😀😀😉😉

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:

Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:

 Oops!
 Has anyone seen my watch?
 That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk.
 Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
 Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is your manual?
 OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
 Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
 Come back with that! Bad Dog!
 Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
 Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
 If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week.
 Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
 Damn, there go the lights again...
 Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
 Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
 Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
 I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
 Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
 Steril, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?
 What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
 What do you mean, he's not insured?
 This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
 Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
 Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
 What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
 I don't know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.
 Let's hurry, I don't want to miss "Bay Watch"
 That laughing gas stuff is pretty cool. Can I have some more of that?
 Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that one, he's still moving.
 Did the doctor know he would look like that afterwards?
 Of course I've performed this operation before, Nurse!
 FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Cat Scan

A lady rushes into the veterinarian and screams, "I found my dog unconscious and I can't wake him -- do something."

The vet lays the dog on the examination table and after a few simple tests he says, "I'm sorry, I don't feel a pulse, I'm afraid your dog is dead".

The lady can't accept this and says, "No, no, he can't be dead -- do something else."

The vet goes into the other room, and comes back with a little cat. The cat jumps up on the table and starts sniffing the dog from head to toe. It sniffs and sniffs up and down the dog, then all of a sudden just stops and jumps off the table and leaves. "Well, that confirms it," the vet says, "your dog is dead."

The lady is very upset but finally settles down. "Okay, I guess you're right. How much do I owe you?" The vet says, "That will be $340."

The lady has a fit and asks, "Why is it so much? After all the vet didn't do anything for the dog."

"Well", the vet replied, "it's $40 for the office visit and $300 for the CAT SCAN!"

I can cure pneumonia.

A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.

On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."

"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."

"I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia."

Gloves

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."

"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."

Easy Operations

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth surgeon said, "I like technicians...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."

DOCTOR DOCTOR

"Doctor, Doctor, can I have a second opinion?""Sure, come back tomorrow"

"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards""I'll deal with you later"

"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pog""How long have you been feeling like this?""Oh, about a weeeeeeeeeek"

"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a spoon""Sit there and don't stir"

"Doctor, Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears""Don't answer!"

"Doctor, Doctor, I think I need glasses""You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop"

"Doctor, Doctor, I'm boiling up""Just simmer down"

"Doctor, Doctor, I snore so loud I keep myself awake""Then sleep in another room!"

"Doctor, Doctor, I think can't get to sleep""Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off"

"Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me""Next please!"