School Jokes

Q: What do elves learn at school?
A: The elf-abet.

Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: Because it had so many problems.

Q: What did the calculator say to the math student?
A: You can count on me.

Q: Why did the boy bring the ladder to school?
A: He was going to high school.

Q: Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
A: She couldn't control her pupils.

Cops Help

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"

"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.

"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"

"Yes, that’s right," I told her.

"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

Religion with Genie

My father and I belong to the religion of Sikhism. We both wear the traditional turban and often encounter strange comments and questions. Once, in a restaurant, a child stared with amazement at my father. She finally got the courage to ask, "Are you a genie?"

Her mother, caught off guard, turned red in the face and apologized for the remark. But my dad took no offense and decided to humor the child.

He replied, "Why, yes I am. I can grant you three wishes."

The child’s mother blurted out, "Really?"

Large Trumpet noise

My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone. "Hello," she whispered.

"Hi, honey. How’s your mother?" I asked.

"She’s sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper.

"Did she go to the doctor?"

"Yes. She got some medicine," my niece said softly.

"Well, don’t wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?"

Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "Practicing my trumpet."

Army Girl

"Daddy," said my 11-year-old daughter, "I think I want to join the Army."

"Baby," I answered, "I think the Air Force would be a better option for you."

"But I don’t want to be a pilot."

"You don’t have to be a pilot," I told her. "There are other jobs in the Air Force."

Her answer: "I don’t want to be a flight attendant either."

The Brakes

The first time my son was on a bike with training wheels, I shouted, "Step back on the pedals and the bike will brake!"

He nodded but still rode straight into a bush.

"Why didn’t you push back on the pedals?" I asked, helping him up.

"You said if I did, the bike would break."

Who are U

During Sunday school, the substitute teacher asked my four-year-old what his name was. "Spider-Man," said my son.

"No, I mean your real name," pressed the teacher.

My son apologized. "Oh, I"m sorry. It"s Peter Parker."

Chemistry teacher and kid

Joes chemistry teacher wanted to teach his ninth grade class a lesson on the evils of liquor so he produced a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. 

"Observe" he told his class as he began to put one of the worms in the glass of water. This worm swam about freely and looked as happy as can be. 

He then put the second worm in the glass of whiskey and it to swam about for a moment but then started to shake and fell to the bottom dead. 

"Now" he asked "What lesson can we learn from this experiment?" 

"Thats easy," replied Joe. "Drink whiskey and you wont get worms."